Days Gone By.....

Time goes by second by second and it only leaves memories. I have experienced a lot of memories this week. Memories shared by my Dad, memories shared by my Aunt, and those of my own. Today is tomorrows memory. Coming from someone who can barely remember what I ate for breakfast, I can honestly say memories are precious. History is more important to me every day, as I too become history. I don't want my grandchildrens' children to wonder about their history. I want to do all I can to preserve memories for them. I want them to get a glimpse of who I am, where I came from, and in turn a little of who they are. I have discovered a little of who I am by discovering more of my family history. Sometimes it may not be what you want to hear. Sometimes the findings are bittersweet to say the least. Sometimes knowing hurts as much as not knowing. Ignorance, however, is not bliss. It is ignorance, nothing more, nothing less. When we are gone, what legacy have we left? What stories will they tell about us? I shudder to think what my kids will say sometimes. I can only hope there will be more good stories than bad. Maybe, they will read something, here or there, that Nana wrote, or a picture that Nana took. Just a glimpse of me, my family, my life, my beliefs. We are not responable for the "sins of our fathers", nor grandfathers, grandmothers, parents, and so on. Ultimately we are only responsible for ourselves. What we are responsable for is the impact we make on others. Our legacy is our own. We make it day by day. I have made many mistakes in my life, and will continue to make mistakes, as the general condition of human nature dictates. I will however try to leave the space I have occupied, a little more hopeful, a little more beautiful, a little happier, and a whole lot more loved. We are only here for a little while. Loving is a lot easier than hating. I hope everyone who reads these words today, will have a little more happiness, see a little more beauty in their world, and have a lot more love.

Love to All

MaMaG

I'm Wore Out!

I finally found a picture that illustrates how I felt yesterday. Completely wore out. It seems there is a pattern to my fatigue. One day I do a good bit. The next, I feel like I am carrying a load of bricks on my shoulders and very sleepy. I think my battery is not getting a full charge sometimes! But I did get my closet somewhat cleaned out. I till have several more to work on. (And a storage building). One day at a time, one closet at a time. One thing I know the days I sit and do nothing. It is hard to get going the next day. Its sorta like cycles or rhythms, the way my energy levels peak and dip. I am O.K. with that. If I can still climb a mountain on Monday, I'll be happy to stay in the valley on Tuesday. I know where ever I am, so is my Lord! I hope you all have more mountains than valleys!

G

Patience / Patients

I want to start this post by giving you the definition of the words Patience and Patient.

pa·tient (p³"sh…nt) adj. 1. Bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance with calmness. 2. Marked by or exhibiting calm endurance of pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance. 3. Tolerant; understanding. 4. Persevering; constant. 5. Capable of calmly awaiting an outcome or a result; not hasty or impulsive. 6. Capable of bearing or enduring pain, difficulty, provocation, or annoyance. --pa·tient n. 1. One who receives medical attention, care, or treatment. 2. Archaic. One who suffers. --pa"tient·ly adv.

pa·tience (p³"sh…ns) n. 1. The capacity, quality, or fact of being patient.

I am the first one to admit, I have very little patience in a lot of areas. I tend not to endure provocation or annoyance calmly. I have been guilty of not calmly awaiting an outcome. On the other hand I am persevering constant, and I think I do have a pretty high pain tolerance. My inability to wait calmly for an outcome is not a new problem for me. Mother even said that she couldn't even feed me fast enough as an infant. I also know I have not shown enough patience with my kids and my husband. When I was working as a nurse, I would say, "I may have a lot of patients, but I don't have a lot of patience." I admit, I never had enough patience with those I supervised. I think this was partially due to my own issues with wanting to everything perfectly. I have been labeled a "control freak". O.K. fine, I have been called worse, believe me. Being a control freak extraordinaire, is difficult to say the least when a disease such as MS, comes into your world. I have had to work really hard to separate what you can and can't control. There is nothing sure or constant about MS, the current treatments, the prognosis, or the development of treatments. Sometimes the process of health care in general will try the patience of the most tolerant understanding person. Some of the things that pull my chain are: Filling out 10 different forms with the same questions on each one, answering the same questions from 10 different people. Having an appointment for 9:00AM and not hearing your name called until 10:00AM, and not seeing a doctor until 11:00AM, calling the doctors office and getting the voice mail loop, with the return call coming 2 days later, if it comes at all. I won't even go to the subject of the emergency room. Having been on the delivery end of health care, I understand how things happen, bureaucracy interferes, and emergencies take precedence. As a patient, I feel the frustration of being in the system, waiting for help. The definition of patient, thusly, is very true: "One who receives medical attention, care, or treatment. 2. Archaic. One who suffers." I have a different perspective on health care now, being an "impatient" patient. Again, I say, I love progress, not the process. I am my own worst critic. I can almost chronologiclly list all the times when I displayed less than patience with those in my life. (even though I sometimes can't remember what I ate for breakfast). I can not go back and change the things in my life that I regret or would have done differently. I know however, that with the Lord's guidance, prayer and really trying to rewire my thinking, I will someday be a more patient person and a more "patient" patient.

Rest

Matthew 11:29-30
Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find REST unto your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.

Rest for soul can be easily achieved through believing the words of Christ. Rest for the body is not always so easy. We live in a fast paced world. This is abundantly evident to anyone who drives a car on the interstate system in Birmingham, Alabama. It never ceases to amaze me when I am driving 70-75 miles an hour and someone passes me like I am standing still. Where are they going that is so important that they beat everyone else by a few minutes, all the while endangering others, not to mention theirselves. I admit that I have been guilty of driving too fast in my younger years. I have seen the error of my ways. Driving is not the only area of our lives that has been thrown into the fast lane. "Express", seems to be the catch phrase of the day. We have, express lanes at the checkout , express pay at the gas pump, quick lubes, ect. The signs at the checkout say, "20 items or less", or "10 items or less". I have seen so many people scanning other peoples buggies to check and see how many items they have. Surely they wouldn't have 11 or 21. The looks on our faces are all similar while standing in these lines. The look of "I'm in a hurry", and "I don't have time to be here", the look of frustration. It seems we rush and rush and get further and further behind. We live in a society of maximum productivity, personally and professionally. When can someone rest?

If making time to rest is becoming difficult, maybe we should pull out our dayplanners, our PDAs or whatever type of schedule you keep, and evaluate your life. Don't just "pencil in" time for rest. Put it in ink, and be sure it is not erasable ink. Hide your white out!

Without rest, (not just sleep), rest, time to do nothing, but relax, Jack and Jill are not happy campers. How you relax is an individual choice. Vacations are good, unless you have a rigid itinerary and schedule attached to it. Rest is vital to people diagnosed with MS. I find rest to be not so much a luxury now, its more a necessity. Without it I am physically wiped out. MS, by its very nature seems to exaggerate most naturally occurring feelings, and sensations. Fatigue is one of them and is not easily combated by the MS survivor. Stress makes all the symptoms of MS worse. The problem is, if you are alive, you have stress. Making time for rest and relaxation is one step toward managing stress and the hectic day to day express lane life. The attached attached link talks about stress and how to begin to help yourself: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/living-with-multiple-sclerosis/healthy-living/stress/download.aspx?id=153

I wish you Rest today!

G